Coping
by Andromeda8
Summary: Tonks is finding it hard to deal with Sirius' death, so will a chat one night with Remus make any difference? Tonks/Lupin content :)


Coping

"Wotcher Remus," she muttered half heartedly as she entered the kitchen. She looked exhausted, although this wasn't uncommon; since Sirius' death she had thrown herself into her work, and was very rarely seen around Twelve Grimmauld Place anymore.

"Evening Nymphadora." He was almost trying to get a rise out of her, a burst of annoyance, anything. When it didn't come, he added: "Been a long day?"

"Mmm," she nodded, charming the kettle on. "And a long week. And a long month at that." It had been almost a month exactly since the night at the Ministry. They had not discussed that night's events together once, though this was more about not wanting to discuss it at all than not wanting to speak to each other.

"It won't bring him back you know," he told her quietly. "Spending all your time playing Super-Auror I mean."

"Yeah, you think I don't know that?" She snapped at him, snatching at the kettle and sending boiling water flying over the kitchen counter. She cursed under her breath, and began to clear up distractedly.

"Come on, don't be like that," he pleaded, getting to his feet as he saw her hands start to shake. He crossed the kitchen to her, and as he reached her side she turned around and flung herself into his arms. He held her gently as she began to sob, holding her head and hushing her gently. It was many minutes before she composed herself.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered hoarsely, allowing him to help her into a chair at the table. "I'm just…all over the place at the moment."

"I know," he told her, pulling out the chair next to her. "I've been exactly the same. It's just…hard…getting used to it." Even as he spoke, he tried not to think about it. He found that that was the only way he could stay calm…pretending nothing had happened, nothing had changed.

"I don't think I shall ever get used to it," she told him sadly, tugging at a strand of her currently long black hair. Gone were the vibrant colours, and gone was the luminous spark of energy she had once carried permanently. "Sometimes it feels like it'd going to hurt forever." He saw desperation in her eyes as she looked at him. "Will it always feel like this Remus? Will it ever go away?" His voice shook as he took her hands in his own.

"I'm not going to lie to you Tonks. Losing someone you love so much hurts more than anything else. And no, you don't really ever get over the loss. But it does get easier in time, I promise. Eventually, you stop missing them quite so much, and that's when you can start to remember the good times. That's when it stops aching." He spoke truly, as only one who has felt the pain of losing loved ones can. But even as he said it, he wasn't sure if he believed it anymore. Sirius had been all he had had left and – He cut his thoughts off before they could go any further. If he didn't think it, it couldn't be real. Instead, he turned his attention back to Tonks, who was now snuffling into a tissue.

"Thank you. Thank you for being honest with me Remus." She gave him a small smile, and he gave her one back.

"I know how tedious it can get when the world and his wife want to tell you how sorry they are, and how they understand what you must be going through. None of them really have a clue do they?" She sighed.

"Nope. Not even an idea…" He noticed the lines under her eyes, and he longed to hold her and make everything better. Sirius had always done that, whenever she had been upset. He had always known what to do, and Remus felt sure that he would know exactly what to say if her were here now. But then again, if he were here now, there would be no problem… And while a cuddle and a pat on the head might cheer up someone who had been unable to get tickets for the latest Celestina Warbeck concert, it was unlikely to have the same effect on someone who had just lost a cousin, a big brother and a best friend.

"You should try and get some sleep," he tried, thinking that at least that would take care of her weariness. But she shook her head at this and told him;

"I can't. I just can't. I've been taking Sleeping Draughts every night, and they don't do a thing. The nightmares just keep coming and-" she broke off and looked away, her cheeks reddening with shame. She hadn't told anyone about the nightmares… He watched her concerned, but at least here he could offer practical advice.

"Don't get worked up about it. Forcing down Sleeping Draughts when you're afraid of going to sleep is never going to work. You've just got to try and relax, somehow… Count Quaffles, read, anything that's going to tire you out. You don't want to be falling asleep at work, do you?" This raised a smile.

"Actually, that's the only place I do sleep…S'why I spend so long there actually. I usually just drift off for a few hours with my head on my desk." He couldn't help but laugh at this, and was still smiling as she got to her feet slowly. "Well, I s'pose I'd better go and lie down at least. You never know, I might catch a few minutes…" She paused, and then added a sincere: "Thank you," before leaving the room and pulling herself up the stairs, by some miracle not knocking a single thing down in the hallway, leaving Mrs Black unawakened.

It was just over an hour before he himself went up the stairs to his own room, but he paused on the landing outside the room Tonks took when she stayed.

"Remus? Is that you?" Came her voice from inside, and he pushed the door open a fraction to show her it was.

"Didn't wake you did I?"

"Hmm, chance'd be a fine thing. I did try counting Quaffles like you said…Got up to two thousand five hundred and got bored…Wanna come in?" He entered the room, pushing the door to beside him, and perched down on the edge of her bed.

"What are we going to do with you, eh?" He asked, stifling a yawn of his own. She shrugged.

"I do feel better for talking to you you know. I think it's helped." This pleased him, though he wasn't sure that he had actually been all that helpful. He reached out and took her hand gently, as she asked: "Would you stay with me tonight?" It was an innocent request, and he was unsure that he could deny it, as she looked up at him, her wide eyes almost pleading. He smiled a lop-sided smile.

"Of course I will." And so, fully clothed and unchanged, he lay down beside her. His arm fell over the waist protectively as she buried her head in his chest. At that moment, he knew that somewhere, Sirius was smirking at him…

It was many hours before he was aware of anything again. As he awoke, he saw that the sun was beginning to glint through the heavy curtains, and guessed that it was around 6 am. It was many minutes before he realised that the young woman in his arms was sound asleep, and he couldn't help but smile as he ran his fingers through her once more bright pink hair. Somehow, he knew it was going to be a good day.


End file.
